Lots of Advice.

There is a lot of dating advice out there. It’s a lucrative field. And it’s primarily aimed at women. And how we can figure out what we’re doing wrong. Or what he really means. Or what’s really going on. And how we can change our clothes, hair, make-up, moves in bed, jokes, and conversation so that we’ll have a better dating experience. Because how could it not be better, once we’ve changed everything about ourselves? Since apparently the way I am now is the problem, so if I just change everything about myself, I’ll hook myself a man in no time.

At the same time, we are also being inundated by the “Love Yourself” advice – when you love yourself, you will find love. If he’s the right one, he’ll appreciate you for who you are. You know that guy who you were totally into, who blew you off with no explanation? The one you kind of obsessed about a little? Who made you Psycho Girl? You were too good for him anyway, you’re better off without him. His rejection of you wasn’t a reflection of anything wrong with you, he just wasn’t the right one because you’re great the way you are. Right. This is true – but not at all helpful advice when you’re sucked in by the undertow of rejection and are drowning in swirling eddies of crushed self-esteem.

Then there’s the more “scientific” approach (which I have touched on before). This advice is the unemotional kind – there are “types” of people who simply are more compatible than others – figure out what kind of person you are, and match yourself up. What’s your Myers-Briggs personality type? Are you an ENTP or an ISTJ? A Builder or an Explorer? Have you examined all the "dimensions" eDischord harps on and on about? This type of advice is deceptive, because it offers the concrete, scientific explanation, but can’t really be put to use in seeking out a date. What are you going to do, see a cute guy and hand him a personality test before you start talking to him? Hi, nice to meet you. Please fill in the bubbles completely using a number two pencil.

Right now I’m a big fan of this Winnie-The-Pooh personality type dating advice: “Tiggers should not date Eeyores, Tiggers can date Piglets, Piglets can date Pooh Bears, Pooh Bears can date Eeyores. Piglets and Roos can date, but Pooh Bears and Tiggers cannot.”

**If you need a little refresher on your Pooh characters: Winnie-the-Pooh was sort of dumb, but cute and loyal. Tigger has boundless energy and loves life. He’s confident and cheerful and generally has the most likeable personality. Piglet is skilled in reading and writing, brave, helpful, and overall cute. Kanga’s maternal, and Roo is playful and young. Eeyore is a total wet blanket who mopes around all the time. Generally.

Ultimately, the thing about dating advice - like any advice – is that we all ignore it. We make our resolutions; we implement rigid new guidelines for ourselves; we talk at great length to our friends and families about our aspirational new lifestyle. We’re born-again in our zealotry. And then we do what we want.