Dissed for the Dissertation.

Grad School Guy and I went on two dates. I thought they both went well. I had a good time, and it seemed like he did too. So I was surprised and a little disappointed when he called me and said that he didn’t think we should continue to date. He very apologetically explained that this quarter, he is teaching a class and working on his dissertation, and he hadn’t realized how busy he was going to be. He had too much on his plate to be dating. He wouldn’t have the time, and when he did have the time, he wouldn’t be a good date.

Okay. That’s fine. I’ve read my copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. I wasn’t expecting this, but I can accept rejection gracefully. And I appreciated that he called to tell me – as opposed to the always popular fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth tactic (aka the Blow Off).

Before we hang up, he tells me that when this quarter is over, his schedule should lighten up. And if I’m still interested in going out with him next quarter, I should give him a call. Um, okay? That seems like a weird thing to say. I chalk it up to over-niceness.

Then I see him the next day. At a coffee shop. Actually, I didn’t see him, he saw me. I walk in, get a cup of tea, and am preparing to sit down and read for an hour before meeting a friend there. He comes up behind me, and with a big smile on his face, says hi. He points out where he’s sitting, then goes back to his table. Which was apparently an invitation to come sit with him. Because when I turn back around to look for a seat, he waves wildly at me, motioning me over. I sit down, and pull out my book. We chitchat for a couple minutes, then both start reading. We sat there for an hour – him studying, me reading. I wasn’t getting very far in my book, since I was wondering why he was so keen on my coming to sit with him. I can understand saying hi. That’s just polite. This was beyond polite.

My friend gets there, so I get up from his table and go to another corner of the coffee shop to sit and talk with her. He comes over before he leaves to say good-bye. And that it was good to see me. And that he’ll talk to me soon. What?

After two more weirdly-friendly-sitting-together-parallel-play incidents, I decide to consult with a man. Hoping that he might have some insight into this behavior. My friend Avid Sports Fan Guy listens to my description of events, as described above. He stares at me with a look of disbelief.

“The only acceptable behavior, if you called a girl and told her you don’t want to continue dating her, then see her – especially the next day – is to pack up all your shit and try to get out of that coffee shop as fast as you possibly can, hoping she doesn’t see you. If she already saw you, say hi, then get the hell out of there.”

So, it’s not just me that thinks he’s being weirdly friendly. “What does his behavior mean?” I ask Avid Sports Fan Guy.

He shakes his head slowly, still kind of wide-eyed with disbelief. “I have no idea. That’s weird.”